Occupational Hazard
by Jerzu
Summary: Is it the occupation that's hazardous? Or is the hazard the occupation? Is there a even a difference? From fighting monsters, saving Gamindustri, to working for a goddess, It seems like our dear guild agent won't ever catch a break.


**'Sup? This here is just something I came up with. I'm kinda suprised something like this has yet to be made. Well, anyway, I know there are a few parts were I messed up, but I couldn't really think of anything els to replace them. This thing is mostly a first draft. If I tried to edit it too much I'd become obsessed and never get to posting it. Most likely abandoning it. Don't expect quick updates cause I've got a severe case of procrasination. I still don't have much idea were this story is going.**

 **W-w-what!? No! This isn't just some way for me to buy time cause I messed up the latest chapter for Faithful Servant! (o_o;)**

 **Jokes aside, I've actually had this idea since last year, and it came back to haunt me when I was having trouble.** **So here it is! Enjoy.**

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 **No Escape**

The sky was mostly clear as few clouds lazily floated across. Vehicles sped upon the huge highways as people walked through the huge yet still crowded streets. Some choosing to take a seat in a nice café to enjoy a fine cup of tea, others heading over to another day of work. The tempreture would be considered warm in Leanbox as monsters continued to lurk around the forests and cause minor problems for civilians, opting the guild to display quests. Yes, in Leanbox, this was just another ordinary day. But in the Leanbox Basilicom, some changes were about to take place...

"So basically, your saying you want me to retire." A brunette girl asked with a raised eyebrow, addressing the blonde sitting across from her.

"Something like that. Please do not misunderstand, I know you are perfectly capable of returning to the Guild."

"Then why—"

"Because of what happened. Fighting monsters and adventuring for a living is nice. But, you are bound to tire out eventually. That is why I'd like you to change occupations while you have to time. That way you could also have a safer source of income that doesn't put your life at risk. Please understand."

The brunette sighed as she leaned into the armchair she sat in. She could understand the blonde's reasoning. Heck, even she was starting to feel the effects of aging. Not that she was considered old to begin with. It was touching that the blonde cared so much, but she didn't know anything else she excelled at.

Which backed up the blonde woman's concerned reasoning.

But that's because she's human. Being human was just a cruel and painfull reminder that she would die while her Lady lived on. She knew her Lady didn't have any ill will by—perhaps unintentionally—reminding her that, it was simply the truth. And the truth is almost never good.

The brunette's life consists of life and death activities, and considering she had gotten discharged from the hospital recently, the blonde's sudden show of concern was understandable. Considering she was mostly busy catching up with games or dressing up a certain purplette whome she wished was her sister, the two hadn't talked with each other in awhile.

"Of course, I'm not saying you should stop doing guild quests completely." The blonde suddenly spoke up, breaking the silence and pulling the brunette out of her thoughts.

"I'm just thinking you should try new things that you might be good at. Who knows? You might enjoy other things more than fighting monsters for a living."

The blonde woman was, of course, right. The brunette never really bothered to try many things ever since she discovered how good she was at guild work. Which left a lot to be learned. The brunette decided to humor the blonde's idea to see were it would lead her.

"Well, I guess I could take a break from guild work for a bit. What do you propose I should do Lady Vert?"

Yes, I'm sure some of you might have guessed. The blonde woman was non other than Lady Vert. The CPU of Leanbox, Green Heart.

Vert clapped her hands excitedly before she took a sip from her cup of tea that was set on the coffee table. The brunette, whome you might have already guessed is IF, also had a cup of tea which sat on the table that parted her and Vert, left untouched.

"Hmm." Vert adopted a thoughtfull look. But IF could see a sparkle in her eyes that held a playfull mischief.

Gently setting her tea cup down onto the table, Lady Vert picked up a flat box that rested beside her on the couch, which IF swore wasn't there earlier.

"Iffy dear, have you heard of the latest release of the Naked Butler BL series?"

 _'Lady Vert...please don't ask me about the BL games you love. That title has inappropriate stamped all over it.'_ IF thought as a sweatdrop apeared on her head. IF _did_ know about the game though. At least, she thinks she does.

Not too long ago Vert had 'stolen' Nepgear, or at least, that's what Neptune claimed. And by the time she had returned later that day, her mind had been—in Neptune's words—'corrupted'. Neptune had been furious in her own Nep-like way, and had been doing whatever she could to push away those dark and inappropriate thoughts that shouldn't, and IF quotes, _"Shouldnt even be in the mind of my cute, adorable, innocent, waifu material little sister!"_

Till this day her mind was still in a similar state, although she had been showing improvments of forgetting the things her innocent mind shouldn't know. IF had even heard that Uni was helping Neptune trying to get Nepgear back from her dark delusions.

Histoire had estimated that Nepgear would be back to normal in three more days tops, and considering the amount of things they were probably doing, IF couldn't help but pity the poor CPU Candidate. She was just glad they were pulling their punches and hadn't decided to call over Plutia yet.

IF had heard of her counterpart being terrified when she transformed, and although she suspected Neptune may have exagerated a few details, she didn't feel like Sadie was an opponent she wanted to cross blades with. The sadistic albeit slightly perverted CPU was feared by both friends and foe alike.

Anyway, getting a bit off track here, IF remembered having heard Nepgear mention in her delusionary state about a BL game about butlers a few times. So she assumed that's what Lady Vert was talking about.

"Er...I remember Gear mentioned something about playing a simular game with you some time ago."

IF answered honestly as Vert's face lit up.

"Yes, I enjoyed playing it with dear Nepgear. I do hope she visits soon so we can play together again."

IF sweatdropped. Neptune was definitely not gonna let Vert anywere near Nepgear for awhile.

"You see, after my darling sister Nepgear, Chika and I finished playing that wonderfull game, I realised that games weren't enough anymore."

IF didn't like were this was going.

"So," Vert continued.

"I was thinking of hiring you."

IF's mind went blank.

"Uh...sorry?" She wasn't sure she heard correctly.

"I was thinking of hiring you to work for me." Vert had sparkles in her eyes now.

Normaly IF would jump at the chance and feel honored to be able to serve at Lady Vert's side, but she had a suspicion there were a few strings attached.

"Er...could you please elaborate Lady Vert? I don't think I entirely understand."

Sadly for her, Vert had already gone into her own world, as if it had been already decided that IF would be work for her.

"—thankfully Noire had been kind enough to accept my request and made this for you to wear from now on—" Vert said as she removed the lid of the flat box and took out what looked like...a _butler outfit!?_

 _'W-w-w-wait!_ ** _Lady Noire_** _is involved!?'_

IF had a _really_ bad feeling now.

Everyone knows that Noire loves to cosplay and sews costumes herself. Although she tries to keep it a secret and denies having any relation to cosplaying, everyone was able to see through her transparent lies.

Goddess knows why _Lady Noire_ of all people, would agree to make something like _that._ Then again, it makes sense that Vert would ask for her help. The only thing that would make sense would be that Vert asked for help and Noire agreed to take care of the rest. Then Noire made the thing herself, without actually knowing who it's for! Or something along those lines...

 _'Still, to have something like **that** made? I'll admit it looks impressive. B-b-but wait! Does that mean...it's for **me!?** '_

IF quietly snuck one of her hands over to her phone holisters, carefully making sure that Lady Vert was too busy fantasizing about things IF didn't want to know.

Successfully managing to slip one of her phones out without Lady Vert noticing, IF quickly flipped open her pink colored phone and pressed several buttons, turning on a certain feature she was glad to have at times like this, before swiftly returning the phone to it's holister and nervously picking up her now cold tea, hoping her actions weren't noticed.

With suprisingly perfect timing, IF returned her half finished tea to the table, before her phone—her pink one to be specific, started to ring, indicating a caller.

IF glanced at Vert who'd been snapped out of her own world and was now gazing at her curiously.

Quietly gulping, IF nervously went and 'answered' her call. It all went down to whether she'd be able to make a believable act. Its now or never IF.

Fumbling around with her phone for a bit, IF managed to turn on the false answering function. Bracing herself to come up with a story on the spot—no pressure IF, no pressure at all—she pressed her phone against her ear, and was about to initiate a false conversa— _do my eyes decieve me?!_

 **Where did her phone go?!**

IF spun around as soon as she realized what had happened, facing her suspected opposer and—as soon as she saw who it was, the brunette stiffened up and could only gulp as said unnamed person applyed unnecassery force on her shoulder, giving off a _terrifying_ smile, pink phone held out in her other outstretched hand.

W-wait! What's this?! Noticing something seemed out of order, IF squinted to get a better look a her phone screen, which for some reason, the owner of the hand currently clasping it, seemed more than happy to allow her to look.

Right, right. Everything normal so far, the screen was displaying that of a false caller ID, nothing wrong at first glance. So why was IF feeling as if something was wrong?

Noticing that IF had failed to notice _something_ , Chika Hakozaki—yes, the Oracle of Leanbox—took it upon herself to hum happily while tapping at a certain part of the phone screen. Then, after savoring the look of disbelief on her face, Chika used her index finger to point somewere to IF's left, which the brunette obediently followed, and watched as her face paled considerably.

 **She was gonna make a great butler.**

Chika thought cheerfuly.

Whatever Lady Vert desires, Chika shall deliver!

By the way, what's got IF looking so pal— _are they serious?! What kind of maddness is this?!_

There, resting on a shelf among some figurines, was a completely _normal_ looking wifi modem.

But IF knew better, _oh she knew better._ If anything, she wished she didn't know as it only made this experiance even scarier.

For there, resting on the shelf, disguised as a wifi modem, was _a gosh darn signal jammer!_

Was this it? Was this the end of her sanity before she's suddenly engulfed in the randomness that Gamindustri's known for?

But alas, the worst has yet to come.

"Aaaiii-chaaan~"

Make haste! For the goddess herself has stepped forward to finally seal the deal! For goodness sake, she even used IF's other nickname!

As Chika backed away with a cheerful smile on her face, IF felt Vert rest her hand on her tense shoulders.

If anything, right now IF felt so terrified that she couldn't—didn't want to turn around.

But lo and behold, she did it anyway.

As she turned around to face her goddess, she saw Lady Vert giving her a bright smile the suit held in her other hand. And as she locked eyes with her goddess, Vert uttered the final words that sealed IF's fate.

"Just give up Ai-chan."

And with that, IF's shoulders slumped in defeat. Was this what Nepgear felt like in these situations? No, more importantly, was this the power of butler desiring maidens?

 **Meanwhile...**

"Hm...that's odd, I can't seem to reach IF, perhaps she's busy..."

Histoire said to herself as her eyes glowed, floating by herself in the balcony of Nep-Tower.

Histoire sighed as she cancelled the call, "I guess I'll just have to try and convince Neptune to work," she said to herself, floating back into the basilicom.

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 **Whew, I had way too much fun writing that ending. Anyway, yeah. Don't worry about me abandoning Faithful Servant due to lack of ideas, I just ended up messing up chapter two and need more time. I've actually had this file with me for some time, and just needed to write the ending. So to entertain you guys for a bit, I decided to finish this up and post it.** **It doesn't help that my mind is foggy due to the heat, sheesh. Anyway, I got I question for you guys that made it this far, I'm thinking of possibly just leaving this as a one-shot, but maybe you want me to turn it into a story? My minds in turmoil to decide. So leave it as a one-shot? Or stick around for more to see what other craziness may happen? To be honest, I kinda want to continue this thing too.** **Well, tell me what your thoughts are, both on the story and on if you want more. Later!**


End file.
